An intro... of sorts (Part 1)

I was born into the cult of ATI. I am the epitome of a cult child because I probably wouldn't have even been born if it weren't for my family's membership in ATI. My family has a "Gothard gap" - a significant period of time between the oldest three and the younger four. My parents joined in 1986 - the year before the first of the "second family" was born. I'm the fifth of seven and being one of the middle children in an extremely competitive family is hard enough without the added pressure of the image that has to be upheld in ATI.

I grew up going to the Childrens' Institute, and later Basic Seminars, and embarking on the yearly pilgrimage to Knoxville. We left the the year before they switched to the regional Advanced Seminars.

ATI and its various appendages was the single-most influential thing in my childhood and adolescence and it even has an uncanny effect on me now. I can't stand the song Umbrella by Rihanna, because it reminds me of the Umbrella Song and the "umbrella of protection" that was oh, so necessary. Any of the character qualities that were hocked at CI's and the numerous CF's that I had to sit in on (because we have to support our older sister) still have the ability to make my blood boil - especially initiative, because that's the one that my Mom always used to say we had none of.

My first memories of ATI are from when I was about 3-4. My brothers (Justin and Austin) and I would stay at my Grandma's house while my parents and older siblings went to Basic - first in Flint, MI and later in Archbold, OH. When I was six I was allowed to go to the CI. I thought I was the coolest thing ever. I went to by first and only Basic Seminar when I was 12 and then I just knew I had reached the pinnacle of awesomeness. Besides all of that there was the yearly trek to Knoxville in a stifling black twelve passenger van. Until I was eight (and old enough for pre-Excel) I had to stay in the dorms with Mom and my younger siblings and watch the seminars on the TV. I witnessed my first and only death when I was seven on that TV when the speaker died half-way through his speech. (For the life of me I can't remember what his name is and I don't have enough "initiative" for the involved Google search that it would require to figure it out.) Mom still has the recorded tape somewhere in her crates of ATI propaganda that she refuses to get rid of. That's about the extent of my memories of the actual organized part of ATI.

But the practices that ATI encouraged and in some cases mandated are what stuck with me. The totalitarian authority that my father wielded was awful and it did far more harm than good. Growing up in a chauvinistic home where the females were subservient gave me the impression that men were obviously better than women. I can remember my Mom after reading Debi Pearl's "Created to be His Helpmeet," talking to one of the other ATI mothers about how she had to give up so much in order to be submissive and how she loved it. Specifically the conversation was about paying bills and how that was the man's role. Yes, that was even became a gender specific task.

My oldest two brothers went to ALERT, and my older sister refused to do EXCEL and instead went and got her degree. Granted, it was from Patrick Henry, but at least it wasn't BJU or PCC.

My parents blame, but I thank (in some ways - we'll get into that later) my brother Justin for finally pushing them over the edge to get out. The beginning of the end was late 2001 when my grandmother started going downhill fast. Mom and the entire second family moved to Oregon to take care of her. My brother Justin had been acting up and being extremely rebellious (that word has so many bad memories attached to it) for several years, but it got much worse when it was just Mom left as the authority... and that is where I will pick back up another time because it's 3:15 a.m.